he says, she says

Don't look now but I'm posting 2 days in a row.

On a recent trip where we drove over a mountain range we were in need of "a facility". So we pulled into a snow park where we were greeted by a lovely vault toilet (aka outhouse aka a stinky hole in the ground). I usually avoid these like the plague but when nature's calling and there's 4 foot snow drifts in all the usual hiding spots, what's a family with 3 small (shorter than 4 ft) children to do...

So I pull myself up by my fancy slippers (travel wear), take a quick breath, and escort my darling daughter to the "ladies room". Where she says..."Eew! This bathroom must be really old...like from the 1980's."

Flash forward to last night...

After creating a gourmet meal serving up Little Caesars on paper towels, we were discussing the classic show that I had found on Netflix for the kids to watch - Pippi Longstocking. I was telling them that I used to watch Pippi when I was little girl and loved it. I can tell Will is thinking something by the way he turns his head to the side and glances at the ceiling, then he says... "I didn't think they had TVs back then."

Just when I was thinking that I wasn't young but I wasn't old either, I was just a good in between...apparently I was mistaken.


Yesterday after dropping the olders off at school Lincoln informs me that he wanted to go to his school. I remind my sweet boy that he doesn't go to school yet, but when he, in all seriousness, says that he does and I ask him where, he says... "At the taco place for dogs."

I had no response.

Now don't go thinking this posting 2 days in row thing will become a regular occurence...I'm too old for that...and too busy taking 3 year olds to the taco place for dogs.

Oh...

...the places you'll go...

...the words you'll read...

The following story was written in the car, as a text message (10 to be exact), and saved as a draft. I'm a dedicated blogger...ahem.

While on our travels down to Cali we were in desperate need of a restroom so we stopped at the next Rest Area. We walked into what can only be referred to as anything other than a bathroom. Unbeknownst to me there was a naughty word of the female dog persuasion written across the restroom ghetto alley wall.

We'll use the word "twitch" in place of it for the rest of this story since that is what I did (along with simultaneously laughing and screaming inside my head).

My daughter, who was alternately gagging and "eww"ing over the deplorable conditions while I was trying NOT to gag as I "prepped" the area (wiped pee off the seat being careful to keep a thick layer of tissue between my hands and the damp and then lay a thick layer on the seat for her to sit on...oh the benefits to being a boy and having the world as your urinal. And yes, I'm OCD. And yes, this is a really loooong sentence.), discovered that while the world is a little boys urinals, a public restroom is a little girl's urban dictionary. Apparently. So, I'm "prepping" when I hear my darling daughter's little voice say "TWITCH!", enunciating e.a.c.h.l.e.t.t.e.r. like any good kindergartner who has just discovered the joy of reading will do. "I'm sorry? What?!", I say, obviously not using the shiniest marble in my noggin, since she then, of course, repeated it..."TWITCH! It says "twitch" right there on the wall!".

Good job reading, honey, but there are some words that should not be read out loud (or written on public walls...but that's someone else's parental speech to give.)

UGH! Why does their sweet innocence have to be spoiled so early?!

...the people...

...and things...

...and wild turkeys??...

...you'll see...

...when it's Spring Break...

...and it's blog fodder you seek.

iLove

This is the post in which I vow this to be the last day I utter type the words vomit, diarrhea, mucus and phlegm. But don't hold me to it for very long.

Unless, of course, I'm asked a direct question. You know like: Hey, Cat, have you scaled Mt. Wannahockaloogie yet? Or: Dearest leader of the Whininites, hast thou parted the Phlegm Sea?? Then and only then will I allow myself to twitter, facebook, blog, text, speak about such dreaded words as these.

In one last ditch effort to get it all out of my system, I have a most important question. Why is there no iPhone app for this? You know like iMed or iDoc or iDiarrheaAllNightLong? Not that this technologically challenged family will ever hope to own an iPhone, but you know, just in case....

Oh and one more thing...vomit, hurl, upchuck, throw up, spew, blow chunks, heave, puke,diarrhea, squirts, runs, the trots, phlegm, mucus, snot (with or without the rocket), goo, gunk and sludge.

There. That should just about do it.

Now that some of you have vowed never to read my blog again, while others are continuing the list of synonyms in their heads, we'll move on to lighter and more lovely things.

Thank you, Coffee Gal, for the idea I'm now going to steal and tweak for my own purposes!

iLove...

iLove... that my 2 year old baby still smells like a baby. You know, unless he doesn't smell like one. You know, as in...can't say the words, remember? Just refer back to my most recent complaints updates on Twitter or Facebook. And iLove that (because of the you-know-what) I've had more opportunities to cuddle with him lately.

iLove...that that same baby says things like, "Mama, kiss me on my leeps." and "Why hello, Apples, it's nice to see you again!" and does things like this...

iLove...to hear my precious Emma say things like "I'm sorry you're sad. Can I give you a hug?" to her big brother even if he's being Mr. Cranky Pants.

iLove...to see that same little girl dance and twirl on her tiptoes on the basketball court when she's supposed to be playing, well, basketball.

iLove...the silly, adorable grin on my 8 year old son's face when he tells us the latest joke he's heard or made up (even if they make no sense). His smile and laugh are contagious.

iLove...the church family we are apart of. For on the same day that I felt like throwing myself to floor and having a good old toddler temper tantrum over dealing with the you-know-what for so long, a friend brought us dinner, followed by dinners the next 2 nights from 2 other dear friends. We are blessed indeed.

iLove...that it's looking like my boyfriend and I (aka The Hubs) will be getting a much needed date night tonight. It's been tooooo long.

iLove...this...
...and I might have a freak-out-what-will-I-ever-do-I-left-the-house-without-it slight obsession with this double-walled-non-sweating-20oz-AWESOME reusable cup from Starbucks.

iLove...that we scored this for FREE off of Craig's List last night...
so the kids could get more practice for this...
iLove...that my oldest son in his prayers last night said, "Dear God, If it's your will, could You keep our new basketball hoop up and working. That would be great. Amen."

iLove...that I'm still thinking about dancin'.

I may not have gotten hairapy or friendapy or footapy or retailapy but reminding myself of the things iLove is always good therapy....

And that app cost me nothing!