Saturday, June 6, 2009

If I could turn back slow down time...

A little Cher never hurt anyone. Then again...

I would be remiss if I failed to tell you all about the lovely "date" my oldest son and I went on recently. We did run a couple of errands first, which I tried to make sweeter by letting him suck down an entire Orange Julius by himself. We then headed to the movie "Up". Loved.it. And can I just say how much I love this tender-hearted son of mine?

I also forgot how much I love Junior Mints. But that is clearly not the point of this post, so moving right along...

Will wept at one point in the movie. And was "so sad" in another part. It's probably fair to say that he did not appreciate the emotions of the movie as much as I did, but I'm pretty sure that the subsequent trip to the Dollar Tree may have made UP for it. He is a 7 year old boy, and there's nothing like cheap plastic crap toys that will break within the first 2 hours of play. Again, not the point of this post...

This movie was full of little nuggets. It portrays that life's true adventure isn't about travels or accomplishments, but about relationships. And we know which ONE relationship is the most important. But a slightly less obvious lesson that really stood out to me, as it is something that I've been learning in my life recently anyway, was about finding joy in your current circumstances whether you would classify them as an adventure or not. Instead of bemoaning the adventure you think you've missed, or spending all your precious time striving to be in an adventure that maybe isn't for you or wishing to be back in an adventure you've already been through, just BE in the adventure that you are in the middle of RIGHT NOW. BE an active part of it. For this is where God has placed you!

Did that make sense?? Well, yes Cathy, it did. Well, thank you very much. It is my blog after all.

I can't tell you how many times lately I just stare at my kids and get all weepy. Weepy because I can literally see them shooting UP right before my eyes. Weepy because I no longer have a true baby in the house. Weepy because with each year they get older they get closer to the real hurt and pain of this world. Weepy because it seems they are already slipping away from me. Weepy because I don't get to (or hardly ever get to) rock them to sleep anymore, smell their baby smell (it's now being replaced by dirty boy smell....the not good kind) or bathe their chubby baby bodies. Weepy because their funny baby talk and pronunciations are replaced by the proper words. Weepy because I think about all the mistakes I've already made with them and in raising them and wish that I could just start fresh sometimes.

Weepy because my youngest baby is pulling his words together and forming more sentences every day. Weepy because he rarely sits still long enough to just cuddle with his mama.

Weepy because my little girl, who just yesterday was learning to walk, is now a preschool graduate and will be moving UP to kindergarten next school year.


Weepy because my firstborn is physically growing UP and getting closer and closer to eye level, reads chapter books without any help from us, stays UP a little later, goes on sleepovers at friend's houses, and says things like this heart squeezer, "Mom, we should have these mama/son dates more often. This is nice."



So what's a mom to do? Stay weepy forever? Or enjoy the present adventure I'm in...because if I sit here too long dreaming about how it used to be, in the mean time missing out on the now, the now will be gone and will become the next "used to be" and I'll have missed ALL of it too and all the blessings that God has for me in it.

Apparently, I'm all about the sentences that only make sense to me tonight.

So, I'm going to applaud Lincoln's growing vocabulary. (But not correct him too much;)) And, yes, I'm going to rock him and cuddle him when he lets me. I'm going to potty train him and not keep him in diapers forever just so that I can feel like I have a baby still. (Besides, how weird would that be when he gets to elementary school age. Forget about middle school and high school.)

I'm going to take the time to sit down and paint Emma's toenails. I'll think about getting her ear's pierced. I'll be excited for her, because she's overjoyed that she'll be a big girl in kindergarten next year. I'll commit to a dance class, because she's my twirler, leaper, and poser. I'll be patient when she's asking how to spell word after word after word after word after word, because I want her to love words as much as I do.

And I'm going to embrace the era of baseball, basketball, swimming, etc, that we find ourselves in with Will. I'm going to cheer like a crazy mama, until he starts to be embarrassed by it, and then I'll tone it down a little...maybe. Eventually I'll let him walk to school...but not yet. (Hey, he's only 7 years old. Let's not rush things!)

And on those increasingly rare occasions when they cuddle UP close to me, ask to sit in my lap or read to them, throw their arms around my neck and lay a wet one on me, or when they come to me for comfort after getting hurt...I'll take it. I'll take them. In my arms. And maybe hold them just a little longer.

I'll hold them close, but I won't hold them back. And I won't hold myself back from enjoying the adventure that I'm in.

Oh and before I go (because I really should go, since it's really late/early and I feel like this post is just a jumbled mess of my crazy thoughts) I wanted to share with you one of MY new favorite things. With lots of help from my friend, Erin, I made these charms for my necklace. It probably doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what the letters stand for. I'm pretty proud of these "babies" of mine, proud to be their mama, and proud to hold them close to my heart.







17 comments:

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

That was beautiful...and made me weepy too. I'm lobbying REALLY hard to see UP this weekend...

Wendy said...

What a sweet post, thanks for sharing your heart.

Carpoolqueen said...

"I'll hold them close, but I won't hold them back...."

Beautiful words, Cathy, and apropos as I let mine sit apart from me in the movie theater yesterday because they wanted to be "cool".

Weepy, indeed.

Donna said...

Ohhhhh........such a sweet post, and just like you I'm so proud of my baby girl, who happens to be a very grown UP and godly woman now. I love you so much, daughter of mine!

Mighty M said...

Loved this post! Time goes so fast and I try to remind myself to enjoy these moments as often as possible. The charms are beautiful!!

Gretchen said...

This is just goooooood. I'm taking a moment to savor and enjoy it. And then I'll go enjoy my kids, who are also on the way UP.

Just measured my son yesterday. 5'11". Did I really carry him in my belly for 9 months? Is he REALLY nearly 13? Hard to figure.

Amanda P said...

All to often these days I see how fast time is flying by. I heard once that the days go by slowly while the years go by fast. Amen! I love the necklace too, great job!

Miss you...

Basking in the Son said...

Love the charms. When I first saw the header picture, I was trying to make it say "welcome" and then in another second, it hit me they were the kids' initials.

You are so good with words. You should write a devotional book or something. We have been re-reminding ourselves this week, that we need to not idealize the past and mourn the loss of good things so much that we can't be content with the now.

Acker Family said...

what a sweet post with wonderful words! I'm thinking you could write a book with how well you write your blog posts! And I LOVE your charms! They turned out great!

runninggal said...

I have a shout out to you in my post today!! Check it out!

sweet post

Amber said...

Oh, now you've gone and ruined my makeup. Because now my mascara is running down my face.

Weepy? I would be a puddle of goo after that post.

AND I LOVE YOUR CHARMS!!!! SO PRETTY.

Musings of a Homeschooling Mom said...

I love this post! I love the charms, too. I missed seeing UP because I have a toddler that cannot sit still in the theater, hubby took the older two kids yesterday, but I might have to go after reading this post. I'm a new visitor to your blog. I'm going to poke around and read a little bit.

Jessie

Family of 5 said...

First off...Love the new blog picture at the top! That looks great! I love my charms too and love when people ask about them...and what they stand for and then I get to tell them about my 3 kids! :) Second...this was an amazing post...I've been going through a trial w/ my oldest right now and this hit home and really encouraged me! So thanks for being so transparant and real when you write your blog! SIgh...way to make a mom tear eyed! :)

whimzie said...

This was absolutely beautiful, Cathy.

And I LOVE your charms and now want to find some for myself!

Erin said...

Yes - I'm famous!! :) Of course we all feel as you do and you're so good at putting it into words. I'm constantly reminding myself to release my kids to the Lord. I'm not going to do them any favors by holding on too tightly.
I'm thinking I should start a little charm business now that you're advertising for me! Fifty bucks a charm? I'll make my fortune...

Brandi said...

What a beautiful post! And don't worry - I totally understand you!! :) It makes me weepy to think about Kaeden growing up - but glad that he still wants to rock at night and he still needs me to help him do little things.

T Sharee said...

Hello! I found your blog on Kelly’s Korner. I am searching for summer recipes for our church homecoming in two weeks. I was hoping that you would have some ideas? By the way love your blog and I will be following from now on!!!!