Monday, June 29, 2009

Not Me! Monday - Vacation Style

We DID go on vacation for 8 days. We DID go to California to see family. We DID have a wonderful time. And I WILL write more about all that later...along with "The Contents of My Purse" post that I promised you and that I know you all are just dying to read. But first, I couldn't pass up "The Confessions of a World Traveler Road Trip Mama" Not Me! Edition. So buckle your seat belts and hold on tight while I bring you up to "speed" on all the things I did NOT do this last week. (Which in layman's terms means I did do.) If you need the driver's manual on how this all works, visit MckMama, so you can pass the test and become a licensed "Not Me-er". Did I take that a little too far?? Naaaah.

We did not have to start out on our 10 hour drive with "Barf Bowl" in hand. We would not be so used to kids feeling sick the morning of the beginning of vacation that we actually have a "Barf Bowl"....and it's absolutely not decorated.

We did NOT resort to eating at MickyDs a total of 3 times. I have spent way too much time trying to have my family eat healthier things to then say "heck with it" on our vacation and cave for what was cheap and easy. But, seriously, where's an In-N-Out when you need it?

And I definitely would not have taken a picture of my baby sleeping on his Aunt and Uncle's couch, only to discover while uploading and examining the pictures that, yes indeed, he did fall asleep with a fry sleeve in hand. Nope. Not me.

I absolutely did not let my children participate in another unhealthy activity (watching way more T.V. than they're used to watching) because it was just, during the triple digit heat wave that lasted a few days, to even step foot outside.

I did not pray that my "sis-in-law" (She's technically not my SIL. Billy's cousin's wife. But he's like a brother to Billy and she's like a sis to me.) would go into labor while we were in California so I could be a part of it, be an eye witness to another miracle, and hold my new "niece" before she's a year old. I did not rub her belly numerous times and say, "C'mon bebe!" (Nacho Libre style) to "aid" in that process. I am not still glowing that God answered my prayer. More about all those "Nots" in another post, of course!

I did not, myself, on our 10 hour drive home, eat In-N-Out (burger, fries, AND shake. Thankyouverymuch.), a couple bites of Linc's Subway sandwich, a foo-foo coffee from Dutch Bros, Taco Bell, AND a Take 5 candy bar. And I won't tell you that when we arrived home at around 9pm I did not also down a Nutty Bar that I discovered we still had in the pantry. (Can someone please tell me why I typed that out? It looks so much worse in writing.) Because if I had consumed about 8 times the calories that any human being should consume in a given day, I would absolutely never admit to it. And I would never excuse it in my own brain, by telling myself that I had sweat enough in the last 2 record high northern California days to burn off most of that junk food. DEFINITELY not me.
I did not come home to a kid's bathroom that smelled all kinds of rancid because someone forgot to flush the toilet before we left for 8 days. That would never happen in this household, especially after I thought I checked for that before we left.

Because I would never laugh at my own joke or overuse a joke (facebook, twitter, blog, ahem) I will not tell you again that the evil voice of Mt. KillinMeWithLaundry is calling my name yet again. The really scary part? Mt. KillinMeWithLaundry can magically move from suitcase, to laundry room floor, and then rest itself on living room couch where it decides to settle until I just can't stand it any longer and decide to move it to the closets. And I'm not telling how long I can stand for it to reside there. I'm not telling all my bad habits. Really, I'm not.

Until the next time I decide to air all my dirty laundry... (snicker, snicker, snort) Get it?! See, I told you I never laugh at my own bad jokes. NOPE! NOT ME!!


Amber said...

Why do I heart thee? Oh let me name the ways.

You decorated your barf bowl. That is barfally blissful.

You eat nada but junk while trapped in a moving vehicle. Bless you, sistah. Bless you.

And you also come home to the almighty unflushed potty. Too many times to count on my end. Too many times to count.

And I'm still giggling at the Mt.Killenmewithlaundry. That is just plain funny. I don't care who you are.

Love ya, friend. Glad you are back.

Family of 5 said...

Yah you guys made it back safe and sound! I was wondering when you would be home! Sounds like a lovely, relaxing time with the fam! And I'm dying to know if you were there still when she had her bebe?

Way to go on eating healthy and all that! IT's was vacation remember? :)

The mom of 4 monkeys! said...

LOL, well written!

Hilary said...

Wowsers, good not me mondays!
Ah, the "barf bowl." Growing up my sister and I had the "throw-up bucket." I have since used the bucket (not the same one, mind you!) for Isaac :)
I'm glad you had a good trip and yay!!! for getting to be there for the birth of your niece! How awesome!
And I love how the nutty bar pulled through at the end of the day. Nothing tops of junk food like a nutty bar, right??
What makes me NOT want a nutty bar is thinking about your toilet festering for 8 days!!! Uck. So sorry you had to clean that :(
Have a good rest of the week!

Jenny said...

OMGosh Cath, I have totally had the same toilet experience. It was NASTY!

Welcome home. You sound like a fun gal to road-trip with. We should some time...

Carpoolqueen said...

My kids' warning sign that they're about to be sick? They yell "Get the bucket!"

And Take 5? Will HOOVER them if they're in the house. My all-time favorite candy bar.

Mighty M said...

Haha! Sounds like you had a PERFECT trip! And food you eat while "on the road" doesn't count. Did you go into your McDonald's? Is it just me or are all the "play" areas being overrun by TV's playing movies and video game stations!? Welcome back!!

MommyBrain said...

Sounds like a great trip ... I think ... and you've made me hungrey for a burger and fries (and maybe a milkshake) ... heading to the nearest drive-thru now (at 8:30 pm!)

BTW: You are seriously genius with the whole "not me" thing ... really funny ... and punny ... even the "bad" jokes :)

Gretchen said...

I'm glad you didn't have any fun, nor celebrate in any special ways.

It never ceases to amaze my how few calories my body requires, and how many I'd like it to need.


Enjoy your laundry. ANd I had to snort at the toilet rancidity. Been there.