Monday, August 24, 2009

Sometimes...

Sometimes...when the day is beginning, I just want to crawl back in bed and spend the day there. For brief moments I wish it was quiet and I was alone and responsibility free. I would "call in sick", roll over, and sleep for 13 hours like I did in college...if my 30+ year old back wouldn't scream at me later.

Sometimes...I wish I could rewind and start all over with my children. Same kids. Different mom. A mom who was always calm, always tender, always even tempered, always had her head on straight and her priorities in the right place, always willing to say "Yes!" instead of "No" or "Just a minute!" (but that minute never comes) to the request of a book read or a game played...instead I'll remember that I'm forgiven, today is a new start, and there's still time.

Sometimes...I look for satisfaction in other things. Things that will leave me still hungry and still thirsting. Things that I KNOW will not fulfill. Stubbornly looking away from that which will quench my thirst. SO glad He has a hold of me, cause sometimes I "forget" to hold tight to Him.

Sometimes...I wonder how a God like Him could possibly still be giving chances to a girl like me...but then He sends His Word (sometimes even through other's words) to remind me of His love, His grace, His comfort, His goodness, His power, my salvation, my place in His family, and my hope.

Sometimes...I rush through my time with Lord, to get to the other things I want to be doing. Fulfilling a duty instead of being devoted to Him. What does my life show that I'm devoted to? Him? Or time spent cleaning house, putting everything in it's place (a hundred times a day), finding just the right outfit for me or the kids, blogging, having my computer time, not missing certain T.V. shows, over indulging in food?

What I really need to be doing is engaging in a perpetual staring contest with my Everything. Not breaking my gaze. Lord, I want to be captivated by You. Ev.ery.day. So much so that I am completely filled up by You to the point of You spilling out of me. So full of You that there's nothing left of me. So full of You that it's You people see. So full of You that it's only You I see.

Captivated by You
I am captivated by You
May my life be one unbroken gaze
Fixed upon the beauty of Your face

Beholding is becoming, so as You fill my gaze
I become more like You and my heart is changed
Beholding is becoming, so as You fill my view
Transform me into the likeness of You

(Lyrics/Music by Vicky Beeching)


10 comments:

Summer said...

Thanks Cathy... I prayed these things right along with you. So true, so sincere. Thank you for reminding me to stop worrying so much about whether the house is clean and to stop and fix my priorities on Him instead.

Gretchen said...

I know you know I can relate to this. Blessings on your head, friend.

Tiffani said...

Oh this could've totally been written by me!!! I completely "get" this. every word.

Such honesty in these words, girl...and I'm thankful that His mercies are new...

Amber said...

I get it. Totally get it.

And not sometimes, but ALL.THE.TIME. I'm so thankful that God gave me you.

Love ya.

Connie said...

Great post Cathy! I was so challenged by yesterdays sermon too, as I can tell you were. I am so caught up in hurrying to the next thing I often rush through my time with the Lord and really want it to be continual rather than a thing to checkoff my list! Thanks for the beautiful reminder!

Amanda P said...

Sweet reminder...I like the staring contest image. :)

Thanks for your text...I HATE texting b/c my phone randomly deletes messages while I'm writing. A little frustrating. We just got to 1-5 when we learned that we weren't going to CA so it was alright. It's good to be home, still have sand in the laundry room, still recovering from the weekend garage sale, still have happy kids and still dream of the ocean, still enjoyed our time with you and still need to post photos... :) Thanks again for coming.

Amanda P said...

can you tell me how you got three columns in your template? I just can't figure it out...

Carpool Queen said...

Great post, friend. There are days I want to crawl in bed and stay there and other days that I want to chuck it all and start over. Those are the days I need to lean in to HIM and let Him lead and teach me and encourage me to rely on His power.

Becky said...

I love this post, Cathy! I absolutely identify with you and was really encourged. Thank you! -Becky

whimzie said...

I want that, too.


Great post, friend.