Not Me! Monday

Is it Monday already?! Well then, I better tell you about all the things I absolutely did not do this week, along with MckMama, the creator of this blog carnival. Join us, won't you, over at My Charming Kids ...and live to tell about it.

A couple of days ago, I did not get poop on my hand while changing Lincoln's diaper and proceed to get grossed out by it (like it's never happened before!) and then later start to question whether or not I had remembered to wash my hands after the diaper change. No worries. I'm positive that no food was prepared or handled before my hands were poop free. ...I think....

I did not have to resist the urge to go "check" the bathroom after my hubby so lovingly helped me out by cleaning it the day of Emma's party. I would never assume that his "clean" is not the same as my "clean". I would absolutely never be that anal! Definitely not me.

One day this week, I did not come real close to setting a new record for not realizing that my morning cup of joe was MIA. I did not find it sitting in the microwave pretty-as-you-please at 3:45pm, in the exact spot that I abandoned it for the 20th time that day. I did not then heat it up for the 21st time and gulp it down creamer and all, because I wasn't about to waste a perfectly good cup of caffeine. Nope. Not me!

After taco night round 2, I absolutely did not slosh an entire pan of leftover shell frying oil ALL OVER THE KITCHEN FLOOR, because I stupidly grabbed the pan without looking at it so I could wipe up the little spatters of oil on the stove. And I most definitely did NOT have to bite.my.tongue. so as not to yell out in some inappropriate way. And even after it was MOPPED up from the wood floor, we did not find our youngest the next morning repeatedly perplexed that he all of a sudden couldn't stay on his feet while walking through the still present oil slick kitchen.

I, also, would never admit that on my "Unplugged...until later tonight" day I actually wasn't completely unplugged and did, in fact, get on the computer. And I would never justify it by saying that I actually couldn't avoid it because we had to email our tax guy about something. I most definitely did not also "peek" at a few other things while I was at it. Nope. Not me.

My hubby did not have me completely convinced that he had nothing planned for Valentine's Day, because Valentines Day came and went, with him playing it totally cool. And he did not then surprise me with a date after church the next day, having already arranged to have the kids taken care of. We absolutely did not laugh at the irony of it all, when we then proceeded to waste entirely too much time driving aimlessly around trying to figure out what we would do with all our time and then when we did decide did not find that most all of those places were closed because it was Sunday! But if all this had actually happened it definitely would have ended up being totally OK because we would have not completely enjoyed ourselves as we simply strolled hand in hand through downtown sipping on a Starbucks...

My hubs and I did not almost double over in laughter when Emma during her bedtime prayers says her prayer and at the end says, "in Jesus name, Amen. (looks up at Daddy) High five, dude!"....with NO pause in between.

And my friend and I, while taking a late night run to Target and Walmart, did not literally shove a donut in our mouths while we talked about lunges and exercise and then laugh at ourselves for shoving donuts in our mouths while talking about lunges and exercise...at 10 o'clock at night. I definitely did NOT participate in that madness:) And when purchasing those donuts at Walmart we absolutely would never have talked the cashier into giving us a discount on them, since, after all, it WAS 10 o'clock at night. And he definitely did not then proceed to give us other discounts that we're not sure he was supposed to give, but may have because he was ready for those crazy, fast-talkin', hyper kid-less Mamas to be on their way. Nope. That definitely did not happen to us.

And last but not least....I most definitely do NOT, I tell you, do NOT have a hard time looking into these eyes and being as consistent with this 3rd child of mine as I've tried to be with the older 2, because, you know, I'm the perfect mom in every way. Ahem. And I do not remind myself constantly that I will pay for it later if I don't, but then still struggle to do it. Nope. Not me.